Everything You Thought You Knew
by Lizzie9
Summary: Suze is 25, and finally living her so desired "normal life". Until she returns to Carmel for a weekend and finds that Jesse isnt as gone as she thought he was. Suze must now choose between Alex, who, until now she wanted to marry, and Jesse.
1. Default Chapter

Title:  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"I am tempted to keep the car in drive, and leave it all behind." -John Mayer  
  
"Call the florist for me, will you Stacey?" I asked my secretary as I headed out the door of my office. Yes, office. I was, at 25 the youngest interior designer in the biggest firm in San Francisco. I loved the city. I loved my apartment that I shared with Cee Cee there.  
  
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I left Carmel after I graduated. I had originally planned to take off a year before going to college. But then Jesse disappeared. Moved on. I'm not sure why, but he did. After that, I had to get out of Carmel Hills, so I went to UCLA and fell into interior design. I also met Alex there.  
  
Now, I'm 25, with a successful career and amazing fiancée. But I'm sacred to go home for the fourth of July. Yes, scared. Because I can't even drive into Carmel without being flooded with old memories and I really don't need that two weeks before my wedding. But still, I had to do it.  
  
I was running over a mental check list of things to do before I met Alex and left, enjoying the rhythmic clicking of my Jimmy Choo heels as I strode through San Francisco. MY cell phone rang interrupting my thoughts.  
  
"Hello?" It was Alex.  
  
"Hey Suze. I'm so sorry, but some one of our biggest clients son's just shot a guy at the wharf last night."  
  
"Oh my God. That's not good."  
  
"It means I can't go to Carmel. We need to prepare a defense. And Fast."  
  
I smiled. The downside to being engaged to a lawyer. "It's ok. Mom and Andy will be disappointed, but I can handle it. Love you baby."  
  
I clicked off my phone and started up the steps to my apartment, my shoes, cutting into my feet. Funny isn't it? I'm going back to Carmel, and my Jimmy Choo sandals are hurting my feet.  
  
I briefly considered that it could be some sort of sign. Then dismissed it as ridiculous. But if I had only known how it wasn't ridiculous at all, I wouldn't have been so shocked when everything unfolded.  
  
Cee-Cee wasn't home when I entered the apartment, but there was a note scrawled on notebook paper on the fridge.  
  
Suze- Try to have a nice time. I know it's hard to be back there, but life's funny sometimes. Good luck. Cee-Cee.  
  
Hmm. Life's funny sometimes? Such a non Cee-Cee thing to say. I brushed off her cryptic message as yet another random element of my day, threw my suitcase into my car, ok, I must add my BMW convertible, and headed out of the city.  
  
I drove toward Carmel with the top down, blaming the tears forming in my eyes on the wind. I hated going home. It was nice to see Mom, and Andy sure. But I hated seeing the mission. I hated going into my old room.  
  
Because deep down I knew, I would never truly be over Jesse. Are you ever really over your first love? Was I even in love with Alex? Yes, of course I was. I was marrying him wasn't I? But it was so hard. Considering I thought about Jesse at least five times a day.  
  
Was that a way to live life? But I was happy, wasn't I? I thought I was. I glanced over at the seat next to me where my cell phone was sitting. A voice message. Most likely my mom, or Alex.  
  
I picked up the phone and dialed my voice mail.  
  
"Susannah, this is Father Dominic. David has informed me that you are visiting Carmel Hills for the holiday. I have something here that I think you'll be most interested in seeing. Please call when you get home."  
  
Good old Father D. Probably found a transfer student whose also a Mediator. That's exactly the kind of thing he'd feel the need to leave me a message about. I pushed Jesse out of my head.  
  
I even thought that maybe it would be good to get home. A nice relaxing time before my wedding.  
  
Relaxing? Boy was I ever wrong. 


	2. Home Sweet Home

Title:  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams." - Christina Augilera  
  
Sadly, my mom doesn't believe in doing anything lightly. Maybe it's because she's a newscaster, and gets paid to be dramatic about everything, and treat even totally irrelevant news like it's apocalyptic.  
  
I guess I was stupid to think that what was probably to be my last trip home, as an unmarried woman would go without surprises. Which is why I wasn't too shocked to walk into my living room to discover Gina there.  
  
"We wanted to surprise you Susie!" my mom exclaimed happily. "She's going to be here until the wedding."  
  
I grinned, more elated than she could possibly know to have Gina to help me through this. I hugged my mom, then Andy, then Gina. Doc appeared in the room, so I hugged him too.  
  
"Suze, take your stuff up to your room, then come out to the deck, and we'll have dinner." My mom instructed. 25 and about to married or not, she could still order me around.  
  
I stood stock still. Up to your room. The most dreaded phrase. "Suze, your stuff." Mom persisted.  
  
"I'll take it!" David and Gina exclaimed at the same time.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous." Andy said. "Suze needs to put her things away and get settled. Dinner in 15." He and my mom walked back out to the deck. Andy was completely unaware of why Gina and David wanted to take my things to my room. So I wouldn't have to go in there. Doc, Gina, Adam and Cee-Cee were the only ones that knew about the mediating thing. And about Jesse. Except for Father Dom and Paul of course. I steeled my self against pain, grasped my suitcase, and then began to walk up the stairs. I entered my room, threw my stuff down, and collapsed on the seat by the window.  
  
Gina hovered near the seat, with this really concerned look on her face. I picked up a pillow, put it over my face and screamed. I flung the pillow across the room, then taking a deep breath, turned to face Gina.  
  
"Hey." I said, pulling her down onto the seat next to me. She hugged me again, longer this time.  
  
"What are you doing Simon? Do you love this guy?"  
  
"I don't know. I mean, yea, I do, but not in the way I loved Jesse."  
  
"Then why are you going through with this?"  
  
"What am I supposed to do Gina? Spend the rest of my life alone, still in love with a ghost? I'm happy now. Not as happy, but it's working. I need to move on Gina. I can't spend forever living in the past."  
  
"But if you don't love Alex in the way you love Jesse, then-"  
  
"Jesse is not coming back Gina. I can't keep living my life for him." I got up and left my room, unable to be there for one more second. I burst out onto the deck, smile and mutter some words to the rest of my family, realizing that I cant stand to be here either. I walk to the edge of the deck, and see the first rays of the sun starting to sink below the horizon.  
  
I haven't cried all day, but here is where the tears spring to my eyes. This deck, this is where Jesse disappeared. I can see it in my mind's eye. We had just finished up some light breaking and entering. For mediation purposes. It was dark. Like pitch black. We had kissed out on this deck that night. A lot.  
  
"You should go to bed Susannah."  
  
"I should go to bed? That was romantic Jesse."  
  
"I want to be a gentlemen querida."  
  
"I might not mind if you weren't." Then was kissed some more. Then he said I love you. And I said I loved him. And we had talked some, about big things. Like future things. And then he disappeared. Right in front of me.  
  
And he was still very gone. And it still hurt as much as it ever did. 


	3. With Hopes of Starting Over

Title:  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"Have I forgot where I'm coming from, or have I just begun?" -The Starting Line  
  
Andy made a fabulous dinner as usual. We ate it on the picnic on the deck. Brad, Jake and David inhaled food. Gina and I talked; Mom and Andy fussed over insect repelling candles. It was almost like I'd never left.  
  
As we sat there, my gloomy, desperate mood faded. I was able to tell Mom and Andy about the Hilton Hotel I was decorating, go over Maid if Honor details with Gina and joke around with my stepbrothers.  
  
Everything was calm until I heard my cell phone ringing from inside. "It must be Alex." I said, rising to get it.  
  
"It's a shame he couldn't make it." Andy commented as I disappeared inside. I picked up my phone, and looked at the number flashing on the screen. Not Alex, but Father Dominic. Now, most people would find it odd for a 25-year- old girl to have a priest programmed into her phone, but I am still a Mediator, and Father D still knows his stuff.  
  
I scooped up the phone and clicked it on. "Hey Father D." I said.  
  
"Susannah." He said warmly. "Welcome back."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"There is a truly extraordinary mediation phenomenon in my office. I would really love for you to see it."  
  
I briefly wondered what Father Dom was doing in his office at 8:30 in July with a mediation phenomenon, but I agreed to meet him. Gina offered to go with me, and within ten minutes, we were winding through the open air corridors of the mission.  
  
Gina was talking and I was laughing. Much to my surprise, I was in the best mood I had been in for three days. I was laughing when I knocked twice on Father Dominic's door and swung it open without waiting for a response.  
  
My laughter stopped abruptly as I looked into the office and came face to face with Jesse.  
  
~********************************************************~  
  
Jesse's POV  
  
It was agony. I was sitting in the priest's office in pure agony. It had been agony as he called Susannah, but it was even worse waiting for her to arrive.  
  
Father Dominic warned me that her reaction may not be all too pleased, which only elevated my nerves.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I heard two people walking through the corridor. Susannah. Her companion, I was relieved to realize was a female, whose voice sounded vaguely familiar.  
  
The possessor of that voice was using it in loud, boisterous tones and Susannah was laughing. The noise grew closer and closer until there were two sharp knocks on the door.  
  
The door swung open, and I got my first glimpse at Susannah in all those years. She looked amazing. He shiny chestnut hair spilled over her shoulders, and her emerald eyes still gleamed. She looked older, but still just like my querida. Until she slammed the door in my face.  
  
~***********************************************************~  
  
Suze's POV  
  
I had no idea what to do. How could I? I mean, I finally manage to put a smile on my face, then the love of my life, whose been gone for like, seven years, shows up in Father D's office?  
  
I couldn't even breathe. So I did the only thing I could do. I slammed the door.  
  
"Dude, Simon what are you doing?" Gina asked. I turned to face her.  
  
"Jesse is in that room."  
  
"Is that who that was? He's hot stuff. Maybe hidden under that stuck up lawyer facade, you do have good taste Suze."  
  
I rolled my eyes. Gina would never leave me alone, just because I'm engaged to a man who, yes, must don a suit before- "You could see him?" I hissed.  
  
"Yea. Pretty easy on the eyes."  
  
She didn't get it. "Gina. He's supposed to be dead."  
  
"Well I definitely saw a hot Latin guy." That did it. I flung the door open again, and as if I had no control over my body, charged in, and stuck a hand on Jesse's chest.  
  
Aside from being just as well toned as I remembered, it was also rising and falling. I grabbed his hand and stuck two fingers on his wrist. A pulse. He's alive. Jesse. Back. Not only back, but alive.  
  
"Oh my God." I whispered. Then I realized just exactly what was happening. And I started to sob. 


	4. Rekindled

Title:  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"I gotta get outta here, cause I can't stand to fall." -Something Corporate  
  
I felt myself start to sink to the floor, and then I felt two arms around me. Jesse. I still sank to the floor, but he came with me. To be honest, I don't think he could do this standing either. We hit the floor gently, and I honestly thought I was going to pass out.  
  
The unbelievability of it all was just too much. Jesse was here. With me. And very much alive. I instinctively wrapped my arms around him and just cried. I saw Father Dominic's feet moving as he quietly left the room.  
  
When I could speak, I pulled a way from Jesse, but stayed close enough so his arms were still around me. I reached up and touched his face softly. "How did this happen?" I breathed.  
  
He shook his head. "I don't know Susannah. I just woke up and I was breathing."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Three days ago."  
  
"Oh God." I grasped one of his hands. It was shaking. "Jesse are you ok?"  
  
He smiled. "I'm fine. It's just. Oh querida." He said, pulling me to him.  
  
So there I am. Sitting on the floor in Father Dominic's office, with Jesse. I pinched myself, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I didn't wake up, but I still wasn't convinced.  
  
I lifted my head from Jesse's shoulder to see tears in his eyes. "Is this really happening?" I whispered.  
  
He touched his lips to mine softly. "I think so querida." He said, resting his forehead against mine. "It feels very real to me."  
  
I should have put a lot of distance between us then. But before I knew what was happening, our mouths were connected. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with everything I had been holding in since he left.  
  
And I was now remembering what a good kisser Jesse was. I was also realizing that I wasn't an innocent high school girl anymore. Without realizing it, we seemed to be sliding from our sitting position into a more horizontal one.  
  
I was kissing and kissing Jesse, and sliding my hands over the arms and stomach that I hadn't touched in so long. Not that I'd touched them much then anyway, but I was making up for that now.  
  
And that's when I remembered. Alex. My wedding. To Alex. Not Jesse. I pulled away from him.  
  
"Jesus, what am I doing?" I asked no one in particular. I looked at Jesse. "I'm engaged you know." I said, starting to panic. How could I do this? "I'm supposed to be getting married Jesse."  
  
Jesse raised his eyebrows. "Supposed to be?"  
  
I shot to my feet. "I can't do this right now." I said, preparing to leave the office.  
  
"We're going to have to do it sometime Susannah." Jesse said to my back as I opened the door.  
  
"I gotta go." I said, bolting. "I gotta go." 


	5. Certain Tradgedy

Title:  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"Maybe I'm not ready for this and you know it, maybe I'm too scared to tell you what I'm really thinking." -The Ataris  
  
I hightailed it out of the office, and grabbed Gina's arm. "We gotta leave. Now."  
  
Father Dominic stopped me. "I'm sure Jesse will have the frame of mind to stay in my office Susannah. What is wrong?"  
  
I sighed. "Father D. What in the Hell is going on here?" Father Dom winced at my very loud and obnoxious use of the word Hell, but at this point I didn't care.  
  
"I'm not entirely sure. Jesse is, obviously back, and obviously alive."  
  
"Right. But why. And why two weeks before my wedding?" I practically screamed at him.  
  
Father Dominic laughed. "Oh Susannah, Jesse will be upset at first of course, but there is no reason this should interfere with..." he trailed off, studying my face. "Oh."  
  
I start pacing. "This is not happening." I turn to Gina. "Tell me this is not happening. What am I supposed to do?"  
  
Gina is silent for a while. "It depends Suze. Which part don't you want to be happening? The part where Jesse comes back, or the part where you're engaged?"  
  
I flick my eyes back between her and Father Dominic. Then I move my eyes to the office door, where I can see Jesse's dark hair through the crack it's open.  
  
"We gotta go."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Several hours later, I was in my old bed, in my old room, tossing and turning, and getting twisted up in the sheets, trying to fool myself into thinking I could actually get to sleep.  
  
I got out of my bed, and plopped down on the windowsill. It was hot, but the air conditioning wasn't on, and there was a warm breeze coming in through the window.  
  
And Jesse was back. I closed my eyes, and I could practically still feel his lips on mine. The glory of that moment was tainted by the incredible guilt I felt. I twisted my engagement ring around my finger. I tried to picture Alex in my minds eye, but Jesse consumed that space.  
  
It scared me to think about how much I wanted Jesse, and how much I didn't trust myself to be around him. I got up and started pacing again, a restless feeling creeping up my legs. My emotions were too big for this room, this house. I had to get out. I quickly replaced my pajama pants with jeans, grabbed my car keys and left.  
  
I hated all the running I was doing. Susannah Simon does not run. But I ran from Jesse, and now I'm running from my room. I finally realized where I was taking myself. This place on the beach, at the very edge of Carmel, where Jesse and I used to go. The lights of the tourist town are behind you, and all you can see is ocean.  
  
I parked my car at the far edge of the parking lot and walked down the sand. I plopped down in it, a few yards away from where the tide was coming in. I just sat there and for the hundredth time that night thought over the shock and ridiculousness of the situation. I was so caught up in my angst, that I didn't hear his footsteps, until he was right beside me.  
  
"I thought I might find you here." Said Jesse sitting down. I said nothing. "Tell me about Alex."  
  
"He's a lawyer. I met him in college."  
  
"But what is he like?"  
  
"We can't do this Jesse. We can't just sit here and make small talk like you've been on vacation for seven years."  
  
He looks into my eyes, and I get chills down my spine. Seven years, and those chills wont go away. He looks away. "Susannah, I'm sorry. I know this is all wrong, but you must believe me querida, I never wanted to leave you."  
  
"I know." I whisper. "But you did leave. And it hurt Jesse. I was so hurt, I didn't know if I would ever feel ok again."  
  
He looks pained to this, and I almost wish I hadn't said it. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I've come back, but I had no choice in the matter."  
  
I almost laughed. "Don't be ridiculous Jesse. I'm not upset that your back, it's just." I can't even finish a sentence.  
  
He looks at me again. This time, I'm the one that looks away. Because I can't even try to deny the fact that looking in his eyes, I see everything I've always wanted. But he won't stand for my attempted denial. He touches my face and tips it toward his.  
  
"Susannah. I love you. I must say that I have loved you since you came here. There's a reason I am alive querida, and although I don't know what it is yet, I think I have a hunch."  
  
I can't say anything. A single tear slides down my cheek, but Jesse brushes it away. "I understand you are committed to another man Susannah, and if you can look into my eyes and tell me that you don't love me too, I will go. But if you cant say that, I'm afraid my heart will keep me near you."  
  
By this time, I'm desperately trying to breathe. For a few minutes, I was going to try and tell him I didn't love him, but that would have been the biggest, most outrageous lie I'd ever told. Because I did love him. I hadn't stopped when he left. I could deny it all I wanted but the truth was I could ever love anyone like I loved Jesse, and now that he was back, I couldn't even pretend that I could.  
  
I stared into his inky eyes. "I can't say that." I finally managed to choke out.  
  
Jesse smiled. "Then I can't leave Susannah. I lost you once. Not again querida, not again."  
  
I fought all temptation to fall into his arms and tell him I wanted to stay there forever. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was engaged. I had to honor that. There couldn't be a me and Jesse.  
  
"I'm getting married Jesse." I whispered. "I'm marrying Alex."  
  
"Susannah, I."  
  
"No, Jesse. I can't run away from this. I don't know much about this world, but I do know that if you don't keep your promises, you can't keep anything."  
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
I wanted to scream. I wanted to run into the ocean and stay there until this all went away. Instead, I returned to what was quickly becoming my mantra. "I gotta go."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jesse's POV  
  
She ran. Again. She left me sitting on the beach, alone.  
  
She told me she was going to marry him, and it cut like knives, but I was not giving up. Maybe I had pushed her too far. She wasn't ready to have this talk.  
  
But she still loved me. And I wasn't going anywhere. Susannah still thought she had everything under control. Still thought she knew what she really needed.  
  
And maybe she does. But I'm not giving up. Not now, not ever. 


	6. What You Want To Hear

Title:  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
" God knows, even angels fall." -Jessica Andrews  
  
Latinagrl- To answer your question, the idea came out of the Hugh Grant movie '4 Weddings and a Funeral'. We didn't take your idea, but um, sorry we made it seem that way?  
  
By the time my Mom and Andy even got out of bed, I had showered, painted my fingernails and my toe nails, made coffee and bought bagels.  
  
I hadn't slept. I hadn't even tried after I got home. What was the point? I was going through these desperate motions to try and ignore the fact that was no way I could marry Alex now. I knew it, I was just trying my best to deny it. No, overcome it.  
  
"You are marrying Alex." I whispered to myself. Just to prove my point, I picked up my cell phone and called him.  
  
"Suze." He said warmly, picking up the phone.  
  
"Hey." I said softly, guiltily. "How's the case?" Then he said some stuff, and I said some stuff. I wasn't even thinking about him the whole time we were talking.  
  
"Suze?" he finally asked. "You ok?"  
  
"Yea. I gotta go and help my mom. Party tonight. Fourth of July, you know."  
  
"Yea. Well, have fun. I love you."  
  
I opened my mouth to say. "Bye." I clicked off my phone, and smacked my palm against my forehead. Good one Suze. Bye? My phone rang again, and there was an unfamiliar number on the screen.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Don't say I didn't warn you Simon." Said a smooth, unmistakable voice.  
  
"Shut up Paul." I said. I know what you're thinking. Paul? Paul Slater? Well, he got engaged to a girl who's exactly his type, and stopped stalking me, and since then we've become friends. I called him last night and left a million messages, and I was so glad he was finally calling me back. Paul was the one person I knew would stick up for me. Even though he had someone, and we were friends, he still was not a fan of Jesse.  
  
"See, Suze, I told you shouldn't fall in love with a ghost, because he'll always come back to haunt you." He said, laughing a little. I managed to laugh a little too.  
  
"He's not haunting me Paul." I said. "He's alive."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He's alive."  
  
"You didn't mention that in your message. That changes things."  
  
"What does that mean?" I asked defensively, not liking his tone at all.  
  
"I guess your not getting married anymore."  
  
"God! Why is everyone saying that? Yes, I am marrying Alex. I made a commitment. I committed. We are getting married."  
  
"Do you love Jesse?"  
  
"Paul, if I can't honor my promise to Alex, what do I have?"  
  
"If you can't be with the love of your life what do you have?"  
  
He had a point. Not that I wanted to admit it. And I was more confused than when I started. He was the love of my life. Jesse, not Paul, obviously. And the thought of marrying Alex, and not being with him was scary.  
  
Then I thought about telling Alex I couldn't marry him. Also scary, and guilt ridden, and painful. There was no good way out of this, unless I just gave them both up. Which would never work either.  
  
I turned my attention back to Paul.  
  
"Suze, lets face it, you never really stop loving your first love. The love only changes. It changes into someone you love like a brother or sister, like I love you, or it changes into something you really need, something you really want to live with. If you really love Jesse, it's not fair to marry Alex."  
  
"I'll call you back." I said. Paul had just said something really profound. But, if he were in the same position, would he leave Kaelyn? Probably not.  
  
The whole thing was so ridiculously typical; I kind of wanted to scream. It just figured that I would finally get to a point where I could live life without being too sad over Jesse, get engaged, then bam, everything falls apart around me.  
  
It just goes to show you, when you think you've got things under control..  
  
"Suze?" It was David. "What's happened?"  
  
"Nothing happened." I said too cheerfully. "Why?"  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "Because you shot out of here in the middle of the night, and obviously didn't sleep, so something must have happened at Father Dominic's office."  
  
"It's fine David, ok?"  
  
"Suze. Tell me."  
  
I sighed. Why not? Doc was the logical one, maybe he'd tell me what I wanted to hear. "Jesse is back. He's, um, he's alive."  
  
"How did that happen?"  
  
"I have no idea, and yes I still love him but I am still marrying Alex, because contrary to what everyone else says, it is the right thing to do."  
  
David smiles. "From that outburst, it's evident who your heart belongs to Suze. Love should never need convincing." 


	7. Countered

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"We got older, but we're still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up." –The Starting Line  
  
It was a typical holiday in the Ackerman household. Barbecue, the deck, my parent's friends. Jake and his girlfriend were there. David and his girlfriend were. Brad didn't have a girlfriend at the moment, and no one would really explain to me why, but the last I'd heard he was seeing someone. Jake said he'd fill me in later, preferably when Brad wasn't around.  
  
I was in the kitchen, avoiding the huge show of the Carmel-by-the-Sea fireworks display, when I heard Gina tapping her heels on the linoleum floor behind me. I turned around to see her shaking her head. "You need to stop this now Simon."  
  
"Stop what?" I asked indignantly.  
  
Gina smiled. "Stop pretending that he's not here, stop pretending you don't love him, and stop pretending you're actually going to go and marry Alex."  
  
"Why don't you like Alex? You've never liked Alex?" I countered.  
  
"He's boring Suze. Boring. He's a lawyer, who wears suits and button down shirts all the time, who thinks going to dinner and discussing murder trials is romantic, and he's not the one for you."  
  
"And Jesse is?"  
  
Gina's smile disappeared. "I'm not gonna pretend I understand this Mediation thing, Suze. But from what you've told me, ghosts don't just come back for no reason."  
  
"What am I supposed to do Gina?"  
  
"You could go talk to him." She said dangling my cars keys from her fingers. I stared at the keys, then at her for a while, before grabbing the keys, and heading over to the mission.  
  
He was staying in the rectory, Father Dom had told me. So I headed there, parked outside, jumped out of my car and stopped. What was I doing? I couldn't really go charging into the rectory in my Coach sandals, jeans and Diane Von Furstenburg tank top.  
  
And what was I going to say to him when I found him. 'Hi, so what spiritual plane have you been wandering while I was getting engaged?' This was hopeless, I decided. I turned to open the car door.  
  
"Leaving so soon, querida?" I turned, and melted at the sight of Jesse.  
  
"Well, see, I didn't know where to find you, and-"  
  
He smiled, shook his head, and then took my hand, and led me to a bench in the courtyard. "I think we should talk, Susannah. I try to live morally. However, sometimes, what is right isn't moral. You and I are what is right Susannah, why can't you see that?"  
  
"Because I already promised someone else I was right for them Jesse. And don't give me that look; it wasn't like I knew you were just going to show up one day."  
  
"Don't be angry at me for coming back, Susannah. I didn't have any choice."  
  
"I'm not angry!" I shout, standing up. Jesse rises too. "You know, forget that I reach this point where I'm at least not depressed. Where I can sort of move on. Forget that I'm engaged. Forget that everything was going just fine before you came back, because I'm not angry." I yell, and rather loudly.  
  
Jesse starts yelling now too. "Oh yes, and it was so easy for me to be wandering around different afterlives for seven years. I didn't miss you at all. It was easy."  
  
We're both screaming at this point. I'm pretty sure everyone in the rectory can hear us, but I don't care.  
  
"You can't expect me not just to drop my fiancé for you Jesse."  
  
"I only expect you to honor what you really feel, Susannah."  
  
"What if I am?" I shout back. Jesse looks like I slapped for a moment, then he smirks.  
  
"I already gave you the chance to tell me if you didn't love me querida."  
  
"Damn it Jesse, cant you see my hands are tied?"  
  
"Can't you see that they're really not?"  
  
"Will you stop questioning my questions?"  
  
"Will you stop shouting? This is ridiculous Susannah, we don't mean these things."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry if I'm too emotionally incompetent to handle you appearing right before my wedding."  
  
He says nothing. I'm pretty sure he's done arguing, and that's fine. I really want to apologize anyway.  
  
"Jesse," but I can't finish because he starts yelling again.  
  
"You're not the only one who can't handle this Susannah. It is not entirely about you. Do you not realize that I am a bit of a predicament myself? I don't want to tear you away from this Alex, but I can't just sit back and let you marry someone you don't love."  
  
His voice was like thunder. "How do you know I don't love him?" I fired back. Instead of continuing the shouting match, he closed the gap between us in two steps and kissed me.  
  
But he didn't just kiss me. It was so far from any kiss I've ever had before. I actually felt my knees go weak. He broke the kiss. "That's how I know, querida."  
  
And I tried. I tried really hard to back away. But that ended in my lips on his again. And again.  
  
I finally stopped kissing him. But I didn't run this time. "Jesse, I-" Could I say it? I had to.  
  
"I gotta go." No. I couldn't say it. My brain was saying you gotta go.  
  
My heart was screaming I love you. The years has passed but that love had grown stronger. As I ran to my car, ignoring Jesse calling my name behind me, I fought the urge to laugh. Who was I kidding?  
  
I couldn't keep kissing him, I was getting married. I couldn't get married, I was in love with someone else. 


	8. Of What You Know

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
"Don't bother angel, I know exactly what goes on." –Taking Back Sunday  
  
I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon to hear a lot of shouting. I hadn't fallen asleep until around 6 AM, so I was slightly aggravated to hear all this shouting.  
  
I was creeping from my room trying to listen. I determined that shouting was between Brad and Jake, and since Jake was repeatedly screaming, "You kissed my girlfriend." I was pretty sure I had an idea of what was going on.  
  
I was about to go back to bed, when I heard the doorbell ring. I looked out my window and saw another convertible parked next to mine in the driveway.  
  
I flew downstairs and opened the door to see Paul standing there, smiling. "Thought you could use a voice of reason."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~  
  
Several minutes later, I was dressed and we were sitting in my room, away from the fight between my brothers. Before we could actually talk, Gina appeared breathless in the doorway.  
  
"Jake and I are going elsewhere. He needs to leave or he may kill Brad." I nodded and watched her go.  
  
"Suze." Paul said. "Talk to me."  
  
"Paul." I mocked him.  
  
"Suze, I'm serious. This could have a huge effect on your mental stability."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Shrink." I muttered. He eyed me. I sighed. "Ok, so I still love him."  
  
"Suze. Don't be so cavalier about this. It's a big deal, whether you can handle it or not."  
  
Paul locked his eyes into mine. And I let loose. "I'm so stuck Paul. I can't get married. How can I get married? I'm so in love with Jesse. But I can't just break this engagement, this promise. There's something so wrong with that. Everything is going fine, Alex has no idea that-."  
  
Paul cut me off. "You don't want to leave Alex like Jesse left you." He said, shaking his head.  
  
"That's ridiculous. It's not the same."  
  
"It's ridiculously true Suze. Jesse moved on when things were going just dandy. You can't do the same thing. That's the thing keeping you." While Paul reveled in the glory of his psychoanalysis, and basically occupied himself by look pleased with his superior intelligence, I was working on proving him wrong.  
  
Which is difficult when you know the person your trying to prove wrong is right. He was right. I sighed.  
  
"So what do I do?" I asked.  
  
Paul shrugged. "I can't tell you that. You need to figure out for yourself. Try talking to Jesse."  
  
"Been there, done that, can't. Every time we try to talk, we end up kissing."  
  
"Suze. I live in L.A. I'm a shrink in L.A. Trust me, that's not too unnatural."  
  
~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Alex's POV  
  
The sun was blazing in San Francisco, but I had the distinct feeling that something dark was going on in the Carmel Hills. I had talked to Suze only a few times since she had gone home for the holiday, and each time she had been more and more distant.  
  
I had called her house today, and her one of her stepbrothers told me that she wasn't home.  
  
Which would have been believable if I hadn't heard her and another male voice talking very faintly in the background.  
  
Now, I'm not saying that something is going on. But I'm a lawyer. This is my job.  
  
I had to know what was happening.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry it's so short. Everyone is saying bring in Alex, and we will. Just not right now. Only a little Alex for the time being. 


	9. This Is Where You Should Be

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: This is a very short chapter, but the next one will be coming soon. Promise!  
  
"Cause by now, I know you better than you know yourself, and I know what you really need." –Something Corporate  
  
Five days passed, and I refused to go see Jesse. I wasted time, shopping, and spending long hours talking with Gina. We drove to San Francisco to get me more clothes. I decided to hang out in Carmel just a little bit longer.  
  
I walked right past Alex's apartment and didn't even go in. I didn't even tell him I was coming back for more stuff.  
  
Today was a normal day. Gina and I lay on the beach until 6:00, when we came home to find Brad and David out. Mom and Andy on their way to meet friends in San Francisco.  
  
Now, Gina had gone somewhere with Jake, creepy, I know, and I was lying on my bed, still in my bikini, watching the sun sink down below the horizon.  
  
I had Fleetwood Mac's ancient album Rumors blaring, attempting to drown out my thoughts, but only drowning out the sound around me.  
  
I was staring out the window, when I heard a cough. A masculine cough. I practically bolted off the bed. There was Jesse.  
  
"Hi." I said.  
  
"Susannah. I heard your music, and I rang the doorbell, and called your name, but...." He trailed off. I turned the music down.  
  
"It's fine. I'm glad you're here, Jesse. We should talk."  
  
"Yes. We need to talk. Without arguing."  
  
"Or kissing." I added softly.  
  
I smiled awkwardly. "I'm gonna go all the way over here." I said, retreating to the far corner of my room, leaving the window seat for him. He sat down and suddenly seemed very aware of my dress, or lack there of.  
  
White bikinis may look great with a tan, but they sure don't give you much coverage.  
  
"I'm leaving Susannah." He said, before I had a chance to even look at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I can't do this anymore, querida. You've made it quite clear that you're going to marry this Alex. So I'll go."  
  
This wasn't happening. Not again. My vision blurred and the room started to spin. "Where are you gonna go?" I whispered. He stood up and started pacing.  
  
"I don't know. But away from here. From you. You were right. Things were fine for you. I have no right to disturb them."  
  
And now I was angry again. "Jesse, if that's what you came here to say, I don't want to talk." I said quietly. Jesse looked at me for a long time.  
  
It was almost dark outside now. I met his eyes. This time, it was me who went in for the kiss. He seemed a little shocked, but we kept kissing.  
  
We kept kissing until he laid me down on my bed.  
  
Even if they don't give you any coverage, a huge advantage to bikinis is that they come off before you have to time to think about what your doing.  
  
And not thinking was the best thing I had done in seven years. 


	10. Screaming Infidelities

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: This is a very short chapter, but the next one will be coming soon. Promise!  
  
"Screaming infidelities, and taking its wear." –Dashboard Confessional  
  
It was scary. And intense. And perfect. I had almost forgot that I wasn't 18 anymore. I had more experience, now. That old innocence was long gone.  
  
I suppose it was inevitable, really. Lost lovers, reunited. That's been in a million movie scripts. And when don't they sleep together? The movies paled in comparison to what I just experienced with Jesse. It really was perfect.  
  
But it also took the perfection out of something else. Alex. It was almost painful to think of all the destruction that had just happened.  
  
I was still lying in my bed, next to Jesse. "You still leaving?"  
  
He turned and looked at me seriously. "How could I? Are you still getting married?"  
  
I didn't answer. He didn't push it. Instead, he spoke several minutes later. "What have done with this Susannah?"  
  
"I don't know. But how can I get married?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~  
  
Alex's POV  
  
I picked up the phone, and dialed the number I found for the Pebble Beach Hotel and Golf Resort. I got a room number for my friend, and promptly dialed that.  
  
"Jordan? It's Alex. I need a favor."  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
"Remember Suze? My fiancée? She's staying with her parents in Carmel Hills."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Keep an eye on her for me, will you, Jordan?"  
  
"Ah," He said knowingly. "Will do."  
  
I hung up the phone. Excellent. I knew Susannah Simon. I knew her well enough to realize that something was going on. Maybe she got in a fight with her mom, or her stepbrother. But I doubted it. The suspicion that had started in the back of my mind was growing ever stronger.  
  
I had a distinct feeling this was all about that Jesse guy she's always whispering about with Cee-Cee when she thinks I'm not looking. The reason her eyes mist over when the sun sets. The reason she doesn't like to be on the beach at night. The reason she's so happy to spend time In Carmel.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Suze's POV  
  
You know how you wait for something, for so long, and you picture it, and picture it, and when it finally happens, it's even better than you thought it would be? Well that's kind of how this was.  
  
Sex. It was a huge thing in high school. Not surprisingly, good old Kelly Prescott had done it first. College, it was a normal, every day thing. I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't spent a lot of time imagining sex involving me and Jesse before he moved on. And after that.  
  
Ok, up until now. Because now it had happened. And it was, as I said, perfect.  
  
But reality set in. Kissing was one thing. Sex was a whole other. That changed all the relationships.  
  
Or maybe not. This was supposed to happen during engagements, right? You get everything out of your system? But how can you possibly get married if you've been with someone else.  
  
"That's not even the issue." I said out loud.  
  
"What isn't the issue?"  
  
I turned, until I could see Jesse. I looked right into his eyes. "I love you."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jesse's POV  
  
There it was. She had said it. They were small words, and few words, but they were the only words that would ever matter.  
  
She still loved me. I had known, yet I needed to hear it.  
  
But I could tell that she still wanted to get married. It was honorable, and I had always prided myself on being honorable. So I should be able to understand this. To accept it. But it's not that simple.  
  
I didn't trust Alex. From what I had heard from her friend Gina, who was an excellent source of information, as loud as she was, he was not a man deserving of Susannah.  
  
But then again, maybe I wasn't either. It was so hard to know.  
  
Author's Note: Ok. We need your opinion. Would you rather have Alex as a nice guy who gets screwed over for true love, a creepy phsyco who will do anything to keep Suze and Jesse apart or an acceptable guy with a jealous streak? Let us know. 


	11. Building A Mystery

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: This is a very short chapter, but the next one will be coming soon. Promise!  
  
"I don't know how I got so tangled." – Maroon 5  
  
My cell phone was ringing. Alex's number was flashing on the screen. I was holding the phone in my hands, and staring at it. Picking it up was impossible. Jesse was sitting on the windowsill watching me carefully. I held my breath and pressed the answer button.  
  
"Suze!"  
  
"Hi."  
  
"When are you coming home?" Alex asked enthusiastically.  
  
"When am I coming home?" I repeated. Jesse's head snapped up. His eyes locked with mine, and I knew what this meant. I should go home now, and get married. But if I did, it was over.  
  
"Actually, I think I'm going to hang out in Carmel for awhile. Gina's here. And there's a dispute between Jake and Brad, and I want to meet David's girlfriend, and of course Mom wants to be involved with all the last minute wedding stuff, and a bunch of um, old friends are here, and yea."  
  
I hear Jesse let a breath out. However, Alex is silent. "Well."  
  
"You're mad."  
  
"Kind of. It's less than two weeks before our wedding Suze."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So come home."  
  
"Can't." I said more firmly. "I need to stay here for awhile. It's important, trust me." I said. Trust me. I cringed.  
  
"Well then. I'll come to see you this weekend."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Yea." He said hanging up. He was pissed off, but somehow I just didn't care right now. I turned to Jesse.  
  
"He's coming this weekend. It sounded like a threat. But there's no way he could know anything."  
  
Jesse just shakes his head. "I'm so sorry I ever got you into this."  
  
"I have to tell him."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So I just cant tell him." I whined to Paul.  
  
Paul laughed on the other side of the phone line. "So you had sex with him, and now your not getting married? But you can't inform your fiancé?"  
  
"Exactly." I said, as if it was a reasonable answer.  
  
Paul sighed. "You haven't changed, Suze. You haven't changed."  
  
"What am I supposed to do, Paul? I kind of have to get married, only now I can't."  
  
"You don't have to do anything Suze." He said gently. "You don't have to get married to someone you don't-"  
  
"Sop it Paul. I'm not a patient."  
  
"Remember how I told you not to be so impulsive? Well now your thinking too much."  
  
"This requires thought Paul." I snapped.  
  
"What does?" Came an all too familiar voice from behind me.  
  
I spun around. Alex. Here.  
  
"I gotta go." I said, dropping the phone on the bed. I stare blankly at Alex.  
  
"Suze!" He exclaims. And I'm pinching myself trying to tell myself that this isn't happening.  
  
"Honey, what, what are you doing here? I thought you had a case to work on."  
  
He goes on to tell me that the trial was postponed or something. I'm sending silent prayers to God that Jesse does not pick now to come see me.  
  
"That's great." I manage to choke out. "But there's something I have to do. So I'll be back later, in, just later." I stammered, back out of my room.  
  
I practically flew out of my parents' house, and into my car. I hit the gas and zoomed toward the mission. It was time for a little divine intervention. And you didn't much closer than to divine than Father D.  
  
~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Alex's POV  
  
If I had wondered before, I knew now. She wasn't mine anymore. I didn't know what it was, if it was that Paul she was always talking to, or someone else. But she wasn't mine anymore.  
  
I grabbed my car keys and ran down to my own car, and started follow her. Hey, I'm a lawyer. Before you argue a case, you need to know your who, what, where, and whens.  
  
Hopefully, if I had those Suze would give me the why.  
  
Author's Note: Ok, so this chapter sucks. Any suggestion of where the story should go? Let us know. 


	12. Impossible, Pathetic and Lost

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: Another short one. We suck, we know. And we solemnly swear to update at the very least once a week.  
  
"It's always you in my big dreams." –Something Corporate  
  
Impossible. Alex had been hanging around for two days, and it was impossible. I left the house for a variety of stupid, ridiculous reasons. Anything to see Jesse.  
  
Pathetic. I felt like I was 16 years old again. If only. I was in my car coming back from another secret tryst with Jesse, and I was spiraling out of control.  
  
Lost. Time was standing still, yet flying by at warp speed. I was screaming and silent, crying and laughing, between Heaven and Hell.  
  
You might say it was a Catch 22. You could say I was between a rock and a hard place, but I wasn't. I knew what I should do. Marry Alex. I also knew what I had to do, be with Jesse. My head and my heart were having a showdown, not caring how much of my soul they tore away.  
  
Impossible. I was so frustrates with the whole thing that I took it out on Jesse. He bears the brunt of my confusion, because, oh yea, I can't exactly complain to Alex. So I used him as my emotional punching bag again. Only he got tired of it. So kissed me to shut me up. And that to...  
  
Pathetic. I'm 25 years old. It should take more than a little rough sex to make me get lost in someone. But it's Jesse.  
  
Lost. There's no way for me to escape these thoughts. I grab my cell phone and call Paul. I know he's in San Francisco, and should be in Carmel in the next few days anyway.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Paul? It's me. I need help."  
  
"We're on our way."  
  
Impossible. Despite Paul's logic, I keep defying him, and refusing to listen, and round and round we go. It's impossible to get off this cycle. Finally, he's had enough. He storms out of the sitting room of the massive house that his grandfather still inhabits.  
  
Pathetic. Kaelyn and I are now sitting here, looking at each other. She meets my eye.  
  
"I understand your problem Suze."  
  
"No offense, Kaelyn, but I really don't think you can."  
  
"Suze. Before Paul and I got married...." She trails off.  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Yea?" For a long time, she's silent.  
  
"He really loved you, you know. And he loved you first."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I just, I know what it's like to wonder if you really are what the person you love says you are to them. And if Alex isn't..."  
  
"Yea."  
  
"All I know is that there is someone for everyone. The quality of life depends on whether or not you pick the right someone. And for you...."  
  
Lost? Not so much.  
  
"It's always been Jesse." 


	13. When Everythings Made To Be Broken

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: The next few chapters are all about the day of Suze and Alex's rehearsal dinner. Pay attention to the times so you know what's going on.  
  
"We're burning bridges down." -Mae  
  
Day of the Rehearsal Dinner.

8: 13 AM.  
  
I woke up on the morning of the rehearsal dinner with a feeling. A feeling that today was not going to be a good one.  
  
I've always had an accelerated sense of danger, and foreboding, and I had that now. I could feel it. I swung my feet over the edge of my bed, and as they landed on the floor, prepared for a crash and burn.

Not exactly what every bride dreams of for the night of her rehersal dinner, but then again, this is my life we're talking about. It's weird to think that I could be getting into a loving marriage in a perfectly normal fashion, but no. I had to be the Mediator who fell in love with the ghost who came back to life.   
  
I knew what I had to do, what I wanted to do. But for some reason, I just couldn't do it. Everything I wanted was staring me in the face. Let's face facts. I didn't love Alex. I thought I had but I didn't.  
  
I loved Jesse. In every possible way.  
  
But I just didn't know if I could do it.  
  
10:43 AM  
  
I related this feeling to Father Dominic when he stopped by to "discuss the rehearsal".  
  
"Susannah, you look troubled. This should be a happy day."  
  
"Oh give it up, Father D. I know you and Paul have spent countless time talking about me. You're as filled in as I am."  
  
"That's true."  
  
"So tell me what to do."  
  
"I'm afraid I can't."  
  
"You're a priest. Virtue. Commitment. Lack of adultery."  
  
"Susannah, chose Jesse, and you will hurt Alex, and break your commitment, but chose Alex and you will be condemning yourself. All your life you'll wish for Jesse and what could have been."  
  
"So I'm choosing between the lesser of the two evils."  
  
"No, that's a sin. You're choosing between love and duty. Many women in history have made this choice Susannah."  
  
"Yea, usually followed by death. I bet Helen wouldn't have left Greece if she'd know Paris would die." I muttered.  
  
Father Dominic just smiled. "I think that love would have prevailed. Besides I highly doubt that Alex is going to sail 1000 ships to Carmel and come after Jesse."  
  
"So you think I should pick Jesse, then?"  
  
"Only you can make this choice Susannah."  
  
I looked out the window at the increasing amount of gray clouds in the sky. "It's going to be one hell of a night."


	14. Your Lipstick, His Collar

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: The next few chapters are all about the day of Suze and Alex's rehearsal dinner. Pay attention to the times so you know what's going on.  
  
"I'll be your downfall." -Matchbox 20  
  
Day of the Rehearsal Dinner.  
  
11:17 AM.  
  
I am still in thought over my chat with Father Dominic, when Alex enters my room.  
  
He kisses me and sits down, holding my hands in his. "I need to tell you something." He says.  
  
Oh my God. He has to know. "I know that this is the biggest step a couple can take, and it's scary. But I'm so glad I'm taking it with you."  
  
Jesus Christ. It's like the speech from hell. Here he is, telling me this, and I'm planning on breaking up with him sometime before tomorrow. I can't say anything so I smile weakly.  
  
"I love you." He tells me, smiling back.  
  
This is it. This is the moment where I say, I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way. Or something equally corny.  
  
Only I don't. "I love you too." Right. Remind me to ask Father D exactly how many commandments I've broken since I got here, and what my chances of getting into Heaven are now.  
  
Ok, so maybe it isn't a commandment, but I'm pretty sure that having sex with your ex boyfriend while your engaged is way frowned upon.  
  
Heaven help me.  
  
12: 04 PM  
  
"He was all like I love you Suze."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I love you too?"  
  
"Damn, Simon, when are you going to learn? You love Jesse right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And you're sleeping with him?"  
  
"Gina, I told you all about it."  
  
"Well, it appears to me that he would be way better in the sack than Alex, and if that doesn't convince you, nothing will."  
  
"Thank you Gina, thanks."  
  
"I'm just saying Suze. Love. Sex. No love. Bad Sex. What are you gonna pick?"  
  
I had to laugh. That was Gina.  
  
12: 48 PM  
  
That was Gina, yes. The comic relief. But she had a point. I was kidding myself if I even tried to compare Alex and Jesse, because there was simply no comparison. There was a knocking at my door, interrupting my musings.  
  
"Come in."  
  
It was David, looking very grim and serious. "Suze, we need to take. I know what's going one. I'm not sure what phenomenon caused Jesse to come back, and I'm seriously perturbed that I can't scientifically explain it."  
  
I smiled. It was nice to know that in a world of constant motion, David seemed to stay the same.  
  
"And I wanted to let you know, that I don't think Alex is as in the dark as he seems to be. He's been spending a lot of time here, alone. Think about it Suze. He's a lawyer."  
  
"David I'm sure that...." I trailed off. IT did make sense.  
  
"Just be careful Suze."  
  
"I will. Promise."  
  
1:09 PM –Alex's POV  
  
"David thinks he knows." Suze's voice pierced the silence of the guest room in her house. There was a pause.  
  
"That's ridiculous Paul. Just because he's a lawyer doesn't mean he's been snooping around my house putting the pieces together."  
  
I scoffed. I didn't realize you could be so naïve, Suze, because that's exactly what I had been doing. And now my suspicions had been almost completely confirmed. There was another long pause. They must have been on the phone. I knelt down next to the vent so as not to miss anything.  
  
"Well it's not like he'd ever guess about Jesse. For God's sakes, even if he had found anything, all he it would be is that the guy's been dead for 155 years. Not exactly big ground for an affair."  
  
She paused again.  
  
"No he has no idea."  
  
"Not exactly I walk around sharing with people Paul. I'm a mediator. I talk to ghosts. I fell in love with one and he just happened to come back to life. About the only thing I could do with that is write a book, and let Oprah call me deranged after she puts it in her book club."  
  
Mediator? Ghost? Incomprehensible. And irrelevant. I knew everything I needed to know. She was having an affair. His name was Jesse. He was a dead man.  
  
And my beloved Suze? Not exactly a dead woman. But don't worry. I wouldn't let her get off easy. 


	15. Tell Me Anything About You I Don't Know

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: The next few chapters are all about the day of Suze and Alex's rehearsal dinner. Pay attention to the times so you know what's going on  
  
"What will it take to make you admit that you were wrong?" –Taking Back Sunday  
  
2:36 PM- Suze's POV  
  
It's funny how different kisses can be. It's funny how much time girls spend agonizing over what a kiss means. As I'm being kissed by Jesse outside the rectory right now, I remembering the first time we kissed.  
  
And how I agonized. I remembered the first time I kissed Alex and how I afterwards I sighed, wishing he was Jesse.  
  
Jesse pulled away from me and studied my face. "You look scared."  
  
"I am scared." I admitted. "I'm scared to tell him I won't marry him. I'm scared of what he'll do."  
  
"Are you going to tell him, Susannah?"  
  
"Yes. I'm not going to marry him Jesse."  
  
Jesse looked up at the sky and then back at me. "You are very close to doing so querida."

* * *

2:49 PM – Alex's POV  
  
Shock. I've always wondered why my clients go murder their girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, or even total strangers. And now I know. This shocking, unexplainable rage that I was feeling.  
  
I could have killed both of them right then and there. But I didn't. They both looked so forlorn, that I managed to think that maybe they were both saying goodbye. I tried to convince myself, but it just wasn't working.  
  
I staggered back to my car and sat down numbly. So that was him. I knew she had someone on the side, and now I had finally seen him. Tall, dark and handsome. Well some things just refuse to change. Like women. Always leaving reliable for the tall dark and handsome type.  
  
If she didn't marry me, he would be the one to pay.

* * *

3:35 PM- Suze's POV  
  
"Suze, I'm starting to get seriously freaked out." Gina told me. "This rehersal shit starts in an hour and a half, and you don't want to marry the guy."  
  
I sighed. "I know. I just, I can't even imagine going up to him and being like, hey sweetie, I can't marry you, because I'm back with my ex dead ex boyfriend."  
  
Gina sighed back. "God Simon. Can you imagine marrying that jerk?"  
  
I shook my head. "No. I was thinking. About running tomorrow. Just not showing up."  
  
Gina shook her head. "That's not the Susannah Simon I know. You never run from anything."  
  
I whipped my head up and met her eyes. "Well maybe it's time to start Gina. What else can I do? I promised Alex I would marry him. I love Jesse. I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't."  
  
"Oh God, now you're using cliches."  
  
I threw down my mascara tube in frustration. "Damn it Gina, don't be so flip about this. It's my life we're talking about."  
  
"Right. Get it together Suze. This isn't a vicious, crazy ghost. It's a twenty seven year old hotshot in a suit."  
  
I sighed again. Gina left the room.

* * *

3:58 PM- Father Dominic's POV  
  
He entered my office, looking forlorn, yet determined. "Jesse." I greeted him.  
  
"Father, I have made a decision. I am going to leave early tomorrow morning. If Susannah does not tell her fiancé the truth before the day of the wedding, she will not tell him at all."  
  
I swallowed quickly. "I understand why you feel this urgency, but if we know Susannah, we know she will not-"  
  
"Father. I will leave before the sun rises. Unless I see her tonight." He turned and left.  
  
I had resolved not to get involved in this affair. However, it was now necessary.

* * *

4:29 PM- Suze's POV  
  
I was sitting in the back of the mission church talking to Paul. The rehearsal itself was supposed to start in exactly 31 minutes, but I needed to talk my plan over with Paul.  
  
"I'm going to him tomorrow morning. Around 10:00. When I'm supposed to be here. I think it will make things easier."  
  
"It lacks courage Suze." Paul said frankly. I blinked. "Excuse me?"  
  
"It lacks courage. If you would just go and tell him, that would be courageous. Running? It will only make it easier for you."  
  
"Why is everyone giving me this crap?"  
  
"Because we know you. And we only want you to come out of this in one piece."  
  
"Paul. That's not possible. I'm already breaking this biggest commitment I've ever made in my life."  
  
"Maybe you're committed to a bigger picture. You think you have this clear- cut picture of right and wrong, and of what you Suze, but love complicates things. I should know, right?" he gave me his trademark grin, and kissed my cheek. "I know you'll make the right choice."  
  
And then he got up, and left me sitting there, drowning in everything I thought I knew.


	16. When It Sinks In

Title: Everything You Thought You Knew  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God. We borrowed it, don't sue.  
  
Rating: Pg-13, with a possible change.  
  
Summary: Several years after Jesse disappeared, Suze is living in San Francisco, finally leading the normal life she dreamed of when she was a teenager. Until she returns to Carmel for a Fourth of July weekend that changes her life again.  
  
Author's Note: The next few chapters are all about the day of Suze and Alex's rehearsal dinner. Pay attention to the times so you know what's going on

"And it turns out that love knocks your whole world around." –Natalie Merchant

5:15 PM- Suze's POV

Agony. Complete agony. I do not recommend participating in your own wedding rehearsal if you do not want to actually marry the person.

We were at some part in the ceremony, and suddenly Father D is going, "And this is where you will read verses to each other." He hands Alex a bible. "Now let me give Susannah her verse.." he trials, handing me a bible, and giving me this look.

I open it up questioningly and see a piece of paper written on in Father Dom's painstakingly neat handwriting.

Susannah-

Jesse is to leave before dawn tomorrow morning unless he hears from you tonight. With love, all things are possible.

Father Dominic

Time stops. I should freak out. I know I should. I mean here I am, at my wedding rehearsal, in my favorite new Lilly Puilitzer dress, which is going to be just perfect for the beachside restaurant we chose for the meal, reading that the love of my life is going to leave by morning, unless I go to him, and I'm completely calm.

Because I get it. Since I met Alex, I thought I had this whole thing figured out. Little did I know that its all a little more complicated.

I thought I knew loyalty, commitment, bonds. But if you don't love someone how can you have any of it? Everything you think you know tends to infiltrate your thoughts, and in my case, drag you down a little bit.

I calmly set down the bible. I turned and looked at the people gathered around the alter. I looked at Gina, who grinned knowingly at me. I made eye contact with David, whose expression showed me he understood.

I looked back at Alex, his face questioning. I hesitated for a few seconds, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Paul. He was grinning at me too. And I got this funny feeling that through everything, he knew this was all going to turn out ok.

I turned to my mom and Andy. "I'll explain it all later." I told them.

I looked at Alex, and grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry." I said.

And then I turned, and ran. I opened the doors of the mission church, and stepped outside. Thunder crashed, and I knew I wouldn't find Jesse at the rectory.

I jumped in my car and headed for the beach.

And sure enough, there he was.


End file.
